# 80. ps. thank you.

i've always believed that a simple thank you is able to go a long way,

not to making someone's day,

but to making my very own day a better one.

words are never and never will be enough to express gratitude,

but here's some post-it notes for the people who matters,

but i know,

this is nothing compared to what i feel grateful for deep down inside.

so, thank you.

my gratitude goes out to the many people who i couldn't name one by one.

colleagues, i thank you for the opportunities to learn, to explore and to play with you guys.

labi-labi, i thank you for letting me know that there is always still hope out there.

friends, i thank you for those who have stucked by me and also for those who didn't.

and everyone who i did not mention, sorry and also i thank you.

i thank everyone who have crossed my path of life because i believe that you have made a difference in my life somehow, someway, even when you and i don't even realise it.

so this is a personal thank you note to everyone in my life,

and also to you who is reading this right now.

thank you.

Inspirations.

#79. What is love?

picture by julkusiowa

I remembered that my little toes wiggled in excitement as I happily stood still when my mother dressed me up in my new pink princess-like dress. I feel as though I was the prettiest girl in the world at that moment. I was getting ready for my third birthday party and that day, I secretly wished that my prince charming would appear on his beautiful white horse and carry me away in his strong arms and live happily ever after. That I was told to believe in when I was three, young and naive.

I remembered that I couldn't help but to touch the crown of purple and white roses which felt so soft and subtle on my head as I walked down the white aisle behind my dear aunt, who I thought, had never looked anymore beautiful than she did that day. She was dressed in a graceful, long white dress with detailed designs made of shiny pearl white sequins, hair dressed up in a clean bun, eyes sparkling, edges of her lips reaching the sides of her ears as she walked towards the man of her dreams. That was when I was nine and I witnessed recruited true love.

I remembered when I looked straight into his puppy doe eyes, I felt as though nothing else mattered in the whole wide world. Every single time when his fingers link mine, my heart skips a beat. Every time our lips touches, nothing in the world could explain that feeling, not even fireworks. Every moment we shared, was simple and sincere. That was what I experienced when I was sixteen, an innocent first love.

I remembered that my heart was pounding and tears were rolling down my cheeks every time I see my parents quarreling and arguing. I remembered my mother's horrid-stricken face, tired and sad, trying her best to hold me and my sisters close to her, preventing my father from hurting us. I dreamt every day and night, the horrendous angry looking face that my father had every day when he drunkly steps into the front door of our house, reprimanding my mother and demanding for more beer. I was still in my college years, only twenty, when I stopped believing in marriage.

I remembered I was alone in my room, trying to keep my voice down, sobbing against my pillows as the picture of my fiancee cheating on me in a hotel room with another girl painfully popped up in my head. Those sweet memories that we shared, years of growing and learning together, smiles and laughters, and dreams of building a future together, all doesn't seem to mean a thing any more. I was twenty six when I stopped believing in love.

So love, was supposed to be the only thing that matters in the whole world, the key to making the world seem much more bearable regardless the evil in the world. Love, so fragile and pure, is also something that many had lost faith upon. So, what is love then?

Inspirations.

# 78. Beautiful Disaster, Jon Mclaughlin.

She loves her mama's lemonade,
Hates the sound that goodbyes make.
She prays one day she'll find someone to need her.
She swears that there's no difference,
Between the lies and compliments.
It's all the same if everybody leaves her.

And every magazine tells her she's not good enough,
The pictures that she's seen make her cry.

And she would change everything, everything just ask her.
Caught in the in-between, a beautiful disaster,
And she just needs someone to take her home.

She's giving boys what they want, tries to act so nonchalant,
Afraid they'll see that she's lost her direction.
She never stays the same for long,
Assuming that she'll get it wrong.
Perfect only in her imperfections.

She's not a drama queen,
She doesn't want to feel this way, only seventeen, but tired

She would change everything for happy ever after.
Caught in the in between, a beautiful disaster,
But she just needs someone to take her home.

'Cause she's just the way she is, but no ones told her that's OK.

And she would change everything, everything just ask her.
Caught in the in-between, a beautiful disaster,

And she would change everything for happy ever after.
Caught in the in-between, a beautiful disaster,

But she just needs someone to take her home
And she just needs someone to take her home.

-Beautiful Disaster, Jon McLaughlin.

This describes me perfectly.

Inspirations.

# 77. Merry Christmas.

photograph by googleimages.

With the faint smell of hot chocolate and the warmth of Christmas around,

With the familiar jingle at the background,

With the sight of red socks and decorated Christmas trees,

With the white and red candy canes and chocolate chip cookies laid out in the living room,

With family and friends back home,

With hope and joy up in the air,

With love all around,

Yet, i still feel, something is missing,

i felt empty despite having everything i need and want in life,

i felt alone despite being in a room full of people,

i felt unloved despite having great family and friends,

i felt not good enough despite being blessed with the ability to do what many can't,

i felt scared despite being completely fearless to almost everything in the world,

i felt confused despite having my path clearly lit,

i felt tired and lost despite only gone through two decades of my life,

It was then, i realised, i have been missing the real meaning behind Christmas,

God.

It was Him, who work in mysterious ways which reached out and spoke to me,

It was Him, who gave me strength to go through those days i've woken up feeling miserable,

It was Him, who felt the pain twice as much as every teardrop rolled uncontrollably down my cheeks,

It was Him, who's grace is and always will be enough for me,

It was Him, who is the meaning and reason behind everything,

It was Him, who've made me who i am today,

It was Him, who has given meaning to Christmas,

He is Christmas; always Warm, Joyful, Giving.

Merry Christmas people.

Do not be caught up with the world and make this holiday just another Hallmark Holiday,

Remember God, and place Him first,

It is only because of Him,

We have Christmas afterall.

Inspirations.

# 76. Travel Log 2.1: Bali.

Bali. 311010-031110

of sunshine, of superbly cheap bargains, of breathtaking sunsets, of sand, of making new friends, of delicious fresh seafood dishes, of the sea, of beautiful sceneries, of scary street hagglers, of amazing architectures, of friendly locals, of a different culture, of beautiful artworks, of life stories, of learning, of seeing, of an experience, of a fond memory.

i left my heart by the beach, where the sun rises and sets everyday, where people of different stories come together, where my footsteps were long washed away by the strong waves into the vast seas.-melaniehwa.

ps. sorry for the uber late post and also the pictures for not being in order. its 4.30am now and i just have to get this up before i procrastinate further. anyhow, more pictures on my tumblr!

Inspirations.