Saturday, April 24, 2010

# 63. Stripped.

photograph by brittanycruickshank

Flashlights, loud applause, huge amount of people who adore and love you, bathed with roaring cheers. Having lots of people who know your name, many to cheer you on, flooding you with compliments and praise. What can be better than that? But what happens when the lights go off? When the curtain falls? You're all alone accompanied by nothing but silence and darkness. You are nothing but a character on stage. No one truly knows who you are, no one understands you, no one even bother trying. Nope, not even one. But yet, when its time for your next scene, you pat off the dust on your shoulders, wipe away your tear-glistening eyes, and once again you're all smiles. Fame and glam? I guess all of these are rooted from our in-born human instinct of wanting to be accepted. Such characteristic lead us to fall into temptations. Such false happiness keeps people chasing blindly, deluding us from what matters most in life, who we really are and what we really want.

Imagine this, you are now at the center of the stage and the spotlight is on you. All that is left is you. Strip down, lay down piece by piece, the garments and make-ups that you've been unconsciously adding slowly but surely, upon yourself. Discover once again the simple things that matters most to you and who you truly are beneath the surface. Reading a post by a random someone, reminded me of the reason why I've started this blog at the very first place; that is to inspire and to share my thoughts and feelings about a picture which carries a million words. Going back to my past writings, a simple question popped up. Who have I become? I for one, haven't really been myself for a very long time now. I guess, its not cause I don't want to be, its just, I've forgotten who that person was and is rather tired of trying to search beneath those scars.

So here I am, Stripped. I love reading stories which inspires, which makes me think, what if?, which gives me a whole new perspective about the world that we are living in. I am secretly amazed with how simple words can carry so much meaning a person, at the right time. I love writing and how words can express my feelings and thoughts and how it can miraculously mend my heart. I love how classical music lullaby me to sleep every night, how jazz and blues can be such great combination with a cup of hot chocolate in front of a warm fireplace, how indie and country brighten up my day, how sad songs act as medicine to the brokenhearted. I love dogs. I love learning by sight and travelling around the globe is always in my list of things to do. I hate gossiping as much as it might be tempting at times. I miss those days when me and my brothers were younger, how the house used to be alil' more packed, filled with arguments and laughters. I dream big and act out. I'd die for Starbucks not only for its greenteafrappe, but for its cosy, warm-at-home atmosphere. I am not a very quiet person but I've learnt that silence is easier and safer. I think details are much more important than the big picture. I love bubble teas. I hate people who whine because I think why waste time whining, instead of finding a solution. I love white. I love movies which carry meanings and a story rather than just for the sake of entertainment. I see how beautiful simple things can be, but I do get bored easily at times. I am fickle minded. I love how pictures can speak a thousand words. I have an untamed heart. I am a procrastinator. I love to be in a room filled with people, but yet, I love to be all alone, wrapped up in my blanket, watching dramas. I adore cartoons but not anime. I hate how judgmental, ignorant, atrocious people can be. I used to be very competitive and stern. I am a midnight maid. I try very hard to please everyone. I am lost in the midst of the storms of life. I do not understand unkindness. I act nonchalant but I always care, no matter how much I try otherwise. I am not dumb nor am I a bad actress, I just don't like to be fake. I am scared, very. I am tired of trying to earn acceptance.

Strip down and you'll learn many simple things that make you, You.


Friday, April 16, 2010

# 62. Fraud Model Casting.

I came across an email lately stating that there is a modelling opportunity for me from a person who claims to be Sam, by the email, He sent me a promotion that says Marks&Spencer is holding a model casting call. He claimed to be a referee that works in Viacom in the States(Viacom is a media-tv company in the States) and that he had found me through other referrals. He claimed that I can get paid up to RM 24 000. Wow-ing huh? So I looked through the promo. Weird enough, I find that the photoshop skills are really bad. The promo doesn't look like something a big company like M&S would produce. Not only that, he claimed that M&S is working together with Berjaya, Astro and Genting for this project. Weird combination, no? Alright, moving on, the details on the promo actually states the payment for models (mind you, never did I once, seen that on a casting call promo). Besides that, they are so lazy, they even forgot to put in the closing date and contact details! And as far as I know, M&S doesn't hire local models. That adds up to my curiousity.

So as always, before I sign anything with any company, I do my homework. I went to M&S and true enough, there weren't such model casting calls. I asked him for referrals, and he was trying to divert whenever I insist on wanting such informations, he even got mad, trying to proof that he isn't asking me for any money and it is only for my own good. The last message that I've gotten from him before I stopped replying was when he wanted my portfolio- my pictures in good quality(prolly, for him to misuse or to sell off) To confirm, I sent an enquiry letter to M&S. True enough, it was a fraud. So please do take notice, friends. And to Mr. Sam, please do brighten up and improve your skills before wanting to cheat. Please do not waste your time and make a fool out of yourself.


Sunday, April 11, 2010

# 61. Faith.

First and foremost,
if you guys do follow me on my facebook or twitter, you will definitely know that my grandmother, unfortunately was admitted to the hospital. i would like to express my heartfelt gratitude to those kind souls who've asked about my grandma's condition and thanks for those encouraging words. my grandma is currently stable and is slowly but surely, healing and gaining strength. thank you.-melaniehwa. 12042010.
Alright, now, let me start off by asking you readers out there, a simple question. What is the one thing that you will keep if you are forced to give everything up in your life? The one thing in the whole world, your ability? your talent? your material possessions? For me, I would like to say, I would like to keep the priviledge of prayers given by the grace of God. I dare not say that I am very religious nor am I a very strong Christian. But I for one, am one of the millions, billions, child of God to say that I do believe in Him.

Past few days, I read the first few pages of "Have a little Faith by Mitch Albom", he elaborated about how he slacked off. I believe, this is nothing unfamiliar to all of us Christians now. What he said, I find true. It is not rebellion, it is not that I have lost faith, but it is more of the unnecessity. We do not see the need of God to be in our lives when we see things moving smoothly. We do not see the need to pray for more when we see our careers blossoming or when our dreams achieved. We kind of created this "you go your way, I go my way" pack. Truth is, God is never away from us. Every single pray made, He listens. I for one, am not perfect. I ain't going to lie, that I too, doubt at times. But throughout my years of being a Christian, I am confident in saying that He never have failed me. Eventhough at times, my prayers were not answered, I see and understand in time, that it is for my own good. He knows whats best for you and me at the best timing.

Like you, I do fall. We afterall, are only humans. We ain't perfect. It is easy to know that God is always there, but to actually believe it always, is not as easy as it sounds. Lucky for me, He never fail to show His wonders. Listening to what my dad told me regarding the recent family drama, the very one point of what he said, had proven that God is above any and every other gods, further strengthened my faith in Him. I have been praying for my grandma for the past week. I am glad that He, had kept my grandma under His wings, healing her, keeping her alive till this very day. This is not the first time that He had answered my prayers, and this will definitely not be the last.

This post is written from a very personal point of view, different from how I use to write. I just want this to be something that I would read back on, as something to remind me of how great is He. I had been praying for my family's salvation ever since dayone, and listening to what my dad said, kind of given me a whole new breath to push on. This is because, as grey as the hope seemed, I know, with what has happened, that God is working. I know for sure, that it is going to happen someday. I believe in Him.


Friday, April 2, 2010

# 60. I am.

I find this song, totally describes who I am.
I am an angel yet I'm a devil, sometimes I'm in between. I am black and white, yet I am of all extremes. Try figure me out, you never can. There's so many things I am. I am a person filled with self-belief yet troubled by self-doubt. I love to be by myself, yet I hate to be alone. I am special. I am Beautiful. I am wonderful and powerful, Unstoppable. Sometimes I'm perfect, Sometimes I'm a mess. Sometimes I'm not sure who I am. Sometimes I'm miserable. Sometimes I'm pitiful. But it is all the things that makes who I am.- I am. Hilary Duff. <3